Currently Listening II By Boyz II Men It's so hard to say good-bye to yesterday see related

Why am I still learning about life at this stage of my life?  Cuz I'm not dead yet!

Ok, in relationships, you should be your mate's best friend.  I'm still learning that is an important aspect of any relationship.  In my marriage, my ex and I were best friends.  That friendship quickly evolved into love and I thought I had the perfect man...then I woke the hell up.  It took me some time, but that dreamed turned nightmare ended. I came out of it with some pretty hard lessons that I had to learn.  Real hard lessons, that serve me even now. 

I am in the process of a move and a major life change.  I was getting rid of old stuff and came across the final decree in my divorce.  I had to sit down and think about that for a minute.  As I looked at my name at the top  with the legal heading "In Re The Marriage Of" with my name as the "Petitioner" and his as the "Respondent", I thought about how we ended up at the end of our road...reduced to mere "labels" on a legal pleading. (remind me to tell you about the divorce papers I drew up for certain members of my family)

But a Sistah digresses.  I had to sit down and read through those documents once again.  I thought he was my life, my hopes and dreams.  I remember when the thought of him set my very soul on fire. I remember how his eyes would light up when I walked into a room and how he would say his pet name for me.  I remember how proud he was of me at times, when that on-going temporary insanity issue was neutralized.  I remembered how afraid he was when he found out he was in love with me and how important it was years later to propose to me the right way.  I remember how protective he was of me too and how very much he loved me, the only real way he knew how.

But I also remember how much I loved him.  I thought of how I had his back in everything he did.  I could yell at him, but damnit, nobody else had better do it!  Being in the military, my blood would boil when higher ranking people would talk to him in a particular way.  He began to know the look in my eyes when I was about to sharpen my claws on some "superior" officer.  Yeah, that mug was gonna be somebody's lunch if he didn't sit his behind down and stop talking to my hubby like that.  We were a team, that's for sure.  And mind you, it takes real teamwork to make a relationship work.

I am still learning about relationships at this stage because I never want to become comfortable in thinking that everything is perfect.  We have to continue to evolve and grow in all the ways we can.  But we also have to sit back periodically and re-assess our mate's needs.  They change we the seasons and the perfect mate is ready and changing to meet those needs because they have met their own.

In an ideal relationship, opposites really do attract.  Soul mates are not soul mates because you are wildly in love, or think you are.  I thought I was too, but he was not my soul mate.  We were far too much alike.  The balance to us turned out to be our child. We most definitely did not balance each other out as we should have.  Those divorce papers clearly showed that part.

 Soul Mates are your exact opposite in many ways, but so much like you in others they are actually part of you.  For instance, I have a fiery temperment.  I didn't need a husband with that kind of temperment.  To balance my fiery passion, I need someone cool as ice.  But with a coolness that compliments me, fits me.  A coolness that can calm the fire, and my fire light up his coolness.  That is balance.  But the soul part comes in when despite this difference in temperment, you are so much alike in other ways, that you could be one person. 

Got more to share, but the day is beautiful and I want to walk on the beach and think on this some more.